We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
