Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
