Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
