Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
