i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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