u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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