Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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