It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
