My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
