Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just had sex on a roof
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
