dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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