I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
