I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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