If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
