Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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