I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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