Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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