I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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