As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
