I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
