There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
