You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
