he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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