no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
