My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
