my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
