On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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