Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
