And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
