people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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