It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Who died my cat blue again?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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