the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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