Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
