You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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