im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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