3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
