You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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