May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
