Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
