Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
