I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Randomize
