omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
