and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
