i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
