I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
