I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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