omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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