i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
