I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
