i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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