He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
