so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
