Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
