at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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