I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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