that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
