Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
