i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize