I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
