My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
