She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
