I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She is in my trunk
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
