these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just want nice things and good sex
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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