The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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