Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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