ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You ruined the universe
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
