Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
