my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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