He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
