she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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