You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
